This is the first conversation [recorded] b/w Woo and Smokey!
Conversation
Woo – It won’t be fun to me tho
Smokey – What are you talking about?
-Pause-
Woo – Hello, I’m drunk! I see two faces
Smokey – No, They are the 2 tapes that shows that it’s recording
Woo – whatever, I can make faces
Smokey – I’m sure that they are not faces
Woo – The eye is turning. The nose has got something written on.. Record… Now it’s all gone blank
Smokey – But you still can say something
Woo – What the FUCK?
Smokey – That’s all you can say
Woo – ubum.. a bee landed on me
Smokey – No, that was a moth and it flew off
Woo – Ok, Fuck the moth… Now I’m sure it has to be another moth to fuck the moth
Smokey – Woo, you are claiming yourself to be a moth when you are drunk
Woo – You’re recording this aren’t you..
Smokey – Hehe yes….I am .
Woo – Haha, I am not gonna say anything, I am gonna keep quiet
Smokey – Really
Woo – You’ll blackmail me tomorrow! I know you
Smokey – is it?
Woo – I love beer…Smokey, you have your beer, or else I will finish it for you…
Smokey – No you are not touching my beer
Woo – Fuck the beer
Smokey – I really don’t think you wanna do that
Woo – Ask me some controversial question, let’s see how I can answer when I am drunk
Smokey – Do you love Ursula?
Woo – I wouldn’t answer that even if I am not drunk
Smokey – Why not?
Woo – No i will not answer that? That’s a tough question!
Smokey – why is it so tough? It’s a simple yes or no question!
Woo – No, I hate simple yes or no questions..you are recording this also! Cut it, delete it!!
Smokey – No I can’t!
Woo – Why not? Tell me one reason why you can’t delete it!
Smokey – Well coz it’s gonna be fun listening to it tomorrow
Woo – Tomorrow is another day
Smokey – And… you might hear your mind speak unconsciously
Woo – Uh yeah, I am unconscious! My mind, whatever it speaks is immaterial
Smokey – So do you love Ursula now…
Woo – I wanna peee
Smokey – Whoa…We are talking about Ursula here
Woo – I am talking about the pee, which is urine. I believe the chemical formula or urine is C6H12O6
Smokey – Ok, that’s what he believes, I don’t believe that!
Woo – I swear I remember my chemistry, urea is C6O12
Smokey – C6H12O6
Woo – yea C6H12O6 or it could be C12H22O6, one of the two
Smokey – ok
Woo – Which one do you want
Smokey – I don’t want anything… If you wanna go pee, go down to your house and pee
Woo – C’mon I’ll lose this high state if I do that… Ummm…
Smokey – Laughing..
Woo – I love beer
Smokey – Ok, who do you love more, beer or Ursula?
Woo – what the fuck? Beer….
Smokey – Seriously?
Woo – Why do you bring Ursula into the conversation?
Woo – Tapping the bottle….
Smokey – This is like the perfect time to bring Ursula into the conversation
Woo – How many minutes can you record?
Smokey – Unlimited…
Woo – Smokey, you were drunk y’day! Not y’day I mean last week you were drunk
Smokey – Yes I was
Woo – you said wooohoooo
Smokey – yes I was and now you just did it
Woo – Well, I am drunk! I Swear I am drunk. Ask me a complex differential equation and I swear I can’t solve it!
Smokey – Root of 3
Woo – I have to differentiate root of 3?
Smokey – Uhuh No just say what is root 3
Woo – 1.74321
Smokey – No, it’s 1.732 that’s it
Woo – Yea something, gimme another diff complex eqn
Smokey – See you are asking another drunk guy to give you a diff complex eqn
Woo – Ask me something simple and Ursula is NOT in the conversation
Smokey – Something really simple…
Woo – Yah..
Smokey – Do you think harry and sally will get together?
Woo – I’m sure…No no no… what I don’t think harry is gay, neither do I think that sally is gay, but if they wanna explore new territories, they can do it
Smokey – That’s a highly diplomatic answer
Woo – I was born to be a diplomat
Smokey – Then why don’t you be one? Why are you in the software industry?
Woo – Fuck the s/w industry
Smokey – Ok..
Woo – I so fucking hate everything about the s/w industry
Smokey – Yup
Woo – I hate that for loop? Can’t they find something else for it?
Smokey – There’s the while loop and the do-while loop
Woo – But I’ve never found any reason for as to why you should use the while loop!
Smokey – Huh?
Woo – I hate the while loop
Smokey – Ok, so now you hate the for loop and the while loop! What about the do-while loop?
Woo – Is there a do-while loop?
-Woo gets an SMS and his phone plays the message tone-
Woo – Is that my phone?
Smokey – Yes you are!I mean yes it is
Woo – DId my phone just say “toot toot”?
Smokey – Yes it does!
Woo – Who’s mailing me?
Smokey – Nobody’s mailing you! They’re smsing you…
Woo – It’s the same thing
Smokey – Reading the message -”K then take care for him and ask him not drink too much!”
Woo – Who me?
Smokey – Ok, lemme repeat the message – ” K then take care for him and ask , K then take care of him not drink too much!”
Woo – Who did he send that message to?
Smokey – I think it’s me! ANd I think that guy doesn’t realise that even I am drunk
Woo – Who the FUCk is he?
Smokey – It’s Cush.N
Woo – Ask him to fuck himself, I am sure he can do it
Smokey – Ok Cush N, Woo wants you to fuck yourself
Woo – I am sure that he can do it
Smokey – And Woo is positive that you can do it
Woo – See, It’s a very simple process
Smokey – Woo says that it’s a very simple process
Woo – I am not gonna explain what masturbation is all about
Smokey – And he’s not gonna explain what masturbation is all about
Woo – But if it’s necessary, hey why are you repeating what I am saying?
Smokey – But if it’s necessary, and why am I repeating what I am saying, err what he’s saying?
Woo – I love beer..
Smokey – I LOVE BEER
Smokey – oooooohhh.. beeeer
Woo – oohooooo.. beeeeurrrrr
Woo – Fuck you!
-uncomfortable pause-
Smokey – No!
Woo – Put the fucking phone off
Smokey – I will not swear when I am drunk
Woo – I fucking will
Smokey – Obviously Woo does
Woo – If that’s the fucking last thind I d… Smokey, let’s invent some fucking bad words… What’s the worst thing you can say right now? If you were asked to participate for a fucking contest where you have to think of the best swear word you can think of, Smokey what would you say?
Smokey – Dude Sucker
Woo – Dude sucker’s already been said by Smokey, you have to come up with another Smokey
Smokey – I am Smokey if you don’t remember…
Woo – That’s immaterial
Smokey – It’s material…
Woo – You have to find another one…
Smokey – Ok, you are NOT drinking beer, you are having my chips
Woo – What the fuck? I don’t care about chips, I care about beer. I am already on 1 and a half
Smokey – EH
Woo – I want your beer
Smokey – No you are not having my beer
Woo – I want your beer
Smokey – No you are not having my beer
Woo – I want it
Smokey – you are not having my beer, simple!
-A Long pause-
Woo – FUCK!!!Eh, so invent a bad word! AAh
Smokey – Chip Stealer!
Woo – That’s a fucking… Who’s gonna accuse you of being a chip stealer?
Smokey – Someone who steals chips?
Woo – What the fuck is that all about? I mean do you realize that every sentence that I have spoken so far has the word fuck in it?
Smokey – in an excited voice – I was thinking of the same thing
Woo – You know, I don’t think I can make any more sentences with fuck in it. You think you can?
Smokey – I can
Woo – Hey make a sentence with only fuck in it! I am sure fuck can be rued … uh… fuck can be used as a a noun, a verb, a pro a pronoun
Smokey – I will use it just as an adjective with all my sentences having the word F U C K in it
Woo – What’s F U C K?
Smokey – Fuck
Woo – Oh…Fuck Fuck!
Smokey – It’s a fucked up world, a fucked place, everybody’s judged by their fucked up face! Fucked up kid, with a fucked up knife, a fucked up mom with a fucked up dad, a fucked up cop with a fucked up badge, a fucked up job with a fucked up pay, makes a fucked up boss with a fucked up day!
Woo – That’s so fucking lovely, where’d you get that from?
-pause whilst taking a sip-
Woo – I fuck Hot Dog, i mean I like Hot Dog
Smokey – OK
Woo – But it’s interesting to think about what happens if you… No, I don’t wanna think about it
Smokey – Heehehee
Woo – I love beer
Smokey – Ummm… Beer [Homer style]
Woo – Haywards 5000 for all you fucked up kids….
- An uncomfortable pause -
Smokey – Fucked up kids…You actually read this stupid message? I mean it’s not a message rite, it’s a recording…
Woo – Aaaaaahhhh…. That’s just the beer talking ok…Ummmm.. I wanna peee
Smokey – The beer cannot talk
Woo – I wanna pee, I swear I do. If there’s one thing I wanna do rite now, I wanna pee. But I still don’t wanna get up to go pee because, I wanna have my beeeuuurrrrrrr
Smokey – Ok Woo, bottoms up?
Woo – My bottom is up. Wait, that’s my head up there! But I am sure I have got a bottom
Smokey – Are you comparing your head to your bottom?
Woo – Yeah!
Smokey – You are?
Woo – They both have holes in it!!! (giggles) Sorry!!
Smokey – I don’t know who he’s apologizing to, but yeah even I am sorry
Woo – Smokey, how long are you gonna record this?
Smokey – I dunno, sounds really fun! I am sure if I send this to you, I am gonna get a lotta money!
Woo – I won’t say I am Woo, I am Harry, Harry is this! Harry is speaking. Harry is drunk dude! Harry had too much vodka!
Smokey – Harry is a chain smoking, alcoholic womanizer!
Woo – (slowly)Harry is a chain smoking, alcoholic womanizer, who’s never had sex
Smokey – No comments
Woo – Smokey, tell me about your something…
Smokey – I think Woo is trying to become the interviewer here! As I am not as drunk as him, I am gonna topple him in this challenge and still continue to be the interviewer!
Woo – (cryin)I wanna peeeheeeheeee
Smokey – I don’t have any comments on that either
Woo – I swear I wanna pee!!
Smokey – Woo, do you realize that this is gonna be a serious black mail to you!!
Woo – Tell me how to delete it!
Smokey – You can’t
Woo – Uh, I swear, Ummm I am sure you can!
Smokey – I am sure you are gonna pass out rite now!
Woo – Who me, pass out? I have never passed out in my life, except when I’ve had drugs!!!
Smokey – You had drugs?
Woo – No i didn’t
Smokey – Yes, you did
Woo – No, i didn’t!
Smokey – Yes, you did!
Woo – Ah, you’re not gonna get me to admit that!
Smokey – Well, you just did!
Woo – Hehehe, what did i do?
Smokey – You just said that you had drugs! and you passed out
Woo – Shut up! I said I love beeer
Smokey – No you didn’t
Woo – I love beeuuuurrrrrrr…
Smokey – You’ve said a lotta things! You said you wanted to pee also, but then you said you had drugs and then you passed out
Woo – Smokey, you are recording this
Smokey – Yes, I am!
Woo – Delete it!!!
Smokey – I can’t!
Woo – Gimme one reason why you can’t!!
Smokey – Because this is FUN!!
Woo – Ok, tell me what are the keys to delete it!!
Smokey – No i can’t!!
Woo – I love Haywards 5000!
Smokey – you said you passed out when you were drunk!
Woo – Everybody…
Smokey – [in a loud voice]Why are we speaking so loudly?
Woo – [Keeping the bottle down] coz prolly you want the neighborhood to know that we are drunk!
Smokey – Ummm… no comments
Woo – [giggling] I wanna peehheeheee!
Smokey – You said you passed out when you were drunk! Woo, you better admit that
Woo – hey I also puked that day, but I am not gonna admit it!
Smokey – Listeners! you just heard admit uchaachoo [some weird noise made by Smokey when he's drunk], you just heard Woo admit that he was drunk. No!. You just heard Woo admit that he was on drugs.. wait, which, what , what did you say?
-Woo is laughing!-
Woo – Smokey, you are drunk
Smokey – I am but…
Woo – I had a few beedis which had something in it! I am no sure, what it was?
Smokey – Ok…He’s speaking about the joints which had grass in it!
Woo – I am sure it was marijuana! Is that how you pronounce it?
Smokey – Yup, maarriiiuuuaaaannaaa!
Woo – I think I had marijuana
Smokey – I read Carlos Castinida when I was sixteen
Woo – What? Who?
Smokey – Carlos Castinida??
-pause-
Smokey – Uh….
Woo – He’s the one who explored Drugs!!
Smokey – Carlos Castinada or something like that, which I can’t quite comprehend, for the simple reason that I am extremely DRUNK!!!!
Woo – Can I have the phone please?
Smokey – No you can’t!!
Woo – I swear fuck spells as F U C K!
- a long pause -
Smokey – Ok, yeah I think it does!!
Woo – Coohooohooolll
Smokey – Then why are the T-shirts spelt F U C K, i mean F C U K, so popular?
Woo – That’s FUCCKKAAH
Smokey – Huh?
Woo – That’s also FOOCK
Smokey – No! FCUK
Woo – How will you pronounce?FOOCk the guys who said F U C, F U C, F C U, F U C…
Smokey – FUCK?
Woo – I am drunk! I can barely keep my eyes open!
Smokey – I don’t think we should go and get parathas should we?
Woo – I think we should delete this conversation right now!
Smokey – Right here right now…
Woo – What’s that song?
Smokey – Right here right now…
Smokey – Fatboy slim
Woo – I love fatboy slim. Can I have your beer?
Smokey – No you can’t!
Woo – Tell me one reason why I can’t have your beer?
Smokey – Because you’ve not yet finished yours
Woo – I’ll finish mine, bottoms up! Hey my bottom’s still on the bottom!
-pause-
Smokey – Hey, the moon’s shrunk
Woo – Oh, man, I can see a lot more moon right now! Ohyeah, even I see 2 of them
Smokey – I can’t see 2 of them, but I can almost see 3 quarters of a moon rite now!
Woo – I swear I see 2 of them
Smokey – You see 2?
Woo – hehehehe, yeah I can see 2 of them! there are 2 moons – one on the left and one on the right!
-pause-
Woo – Fuck the moon! How will you fuck the moon? Is the moon, a woman or a man? Smokey answer me…
Smokey – the last time i checked up with a fairy tale, the moon was an old man!!
Woo – Who the fuck is a fairy tale?
Smokey – See, if fairy tale was a person, i wouldn’t exactly read IT!! It could be a her!
Woo – Do we have more chips?
Smokey – No we don’t!
Woo – Fuck the chips!
Smokey – Ok, what about Bhujia?
Woo – Do we have more Bhujia?
Smokey – Yes, we do!
